SHORTS
Two guys were
discussing popular family trends on sex, marriage, and
values.
Stu said,
"I didn't sleep with my wife before we got married, did
you?"
Leroy replied,
"I'm not sure, what was her maiden name?"
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2. A
little boy went up to his father and asked: "Dad, where did all
of my
intelligence
come from?"
The
father replied. "Well son, you must have got it from your mother,
because I
still have mine."
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3. "Mr. Clark,
I have reviewed this case very carefully," the divorce
court
Judge said, "And I've decided to give your wife $775 a week,"
"That's
very fair, your honor," the husband said. "And every now and
then
I'll try
to send her a few bucks myself."
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4. A
doctor examined a woman, took the husband aside, and said, "I
don't
like the
looks of your wife at all."
"Me
neither doc," said the husband. "But she's a great cook and really
good with
the kids."
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5. An old man goes
to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he has been
living with for the last 40 years.
The
Wizard says, "Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words
that were
used to put the curse on you.
The old man
says without hesitation, "I now pronounce you man and wife."
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6. Two Reasons Why It's So Hard To Solve A Redneck Murder:
1) All the DNA is the same.
2) There are no dental records.
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7. A blonde calls Delta Airlines and asks, "Can you tell me how long
> it'll take to fly from San Francisco to New York City?"
The agent replies, "Just a minute..."
" Thank you," the blonde says, and hangs up.
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8. This guy has been sitting in a bar all night, staring at a
blonde waring the tightest pants he's ever seen.
Finally his curiosity gets the best of him, so he walks over and
asks, "how do you get into those pants?"
The young woman looks him over and replies, "Well, you could start
by buying
me a drink."
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9. A man is recovering from surgery when a nurse asks him how he
is
feeling.
"I'm O K. but I didn't like the four-letter-word the doctor used
in
surgery,
he answered.
"What did he say?" asked the nurse.
"OOPS!"
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10. Grandpa was driving with his 9 year old granddaughter and
beeped the
horn by mistake. She turned and looked at him for an explanation.
He said, "I did that by accident."
She replied , "I know that, Grandpa."
He replied, "How did you know?"
She said, "Because you didn't say 'asshole' afterwards."