These Are Good !!!!!!!!!!


 
I was in the Express Lane at the store, quietly fuming.
Completely ignoring the sign, the woman ahead of me had slipped into the
check-out line pushing a cart piled high with groceries.
 
Imagine my delight when the cashier beckoned the woman to come forward,
looked into the cart and asked sweetly, "So, which six items would you
like to buy?"  Wouldn't it be great if that happened more often?!
 
 
Because they had no reservations at a busy restaurant, my elderly
neighbor and his wife were told there would be a 45 minute wait for a
table. "Young man, we're both 90 years old," the husband said. "We may
not have 45 minutes."  They were seated immediately.
 

The reason congressmen try so hard to get reelected is that they wouldhate
to have to make a living under the laws they've passed.

 
All eyes were on the radiant bride as her father escorted her down the
aisle. They reached the altar and the waiting groom; the bride kissed
her father and placed something in his hand. The guests in the front
pews responded with ripples of laughter. Even the priest smiled broadly.
As her father gave her away in marriage, the bride gave him back his
credit card.
 

Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should get
used to the idea.
 
 
Three friends from the local congregation were asked, "When you're in
your casket, and friends and congregation members are mourning over you,
what would you like them to say?"   Artie said, "I would like them to
say I was a wonderful husband, a fine spiritual leader, and a great
family man."   Merle commented, "I would like them to say I was a
wonderful teacher and servant of God who made a huge difference in
peoples lives."   Pete said, "I'd like them to say, 'Look! He's
moving!'"
 
 

Smith climbs to the top of Mt. Sinai to get close enough to talk to God.
Looking up, he asks the Lord, " God, what does a million years mean to
you?"  The Lord replies, "A minute." Smith asks, "And what does a
million dollars mean to you?" The Lord replies, "A penny."  Smith asks,
"Can I have a penny?"
The Lord replies, "In a minute."
 
  A man goes to see the Rabbi. "Rabbi, something terrible is happening
and I have to talk to you about it." The Rabbi asked, "What's wrong?"
The man replied, "My wife is poisoning me." The Rabbi, very surprised by
this, asks, "How can that be?" The man then pleads, "I'm telling you,
I'm certain she's poisoning me. What should I do?" The Rabbi then
offers, "Tell you what. Let me talk to her. I'll see what I can find out
and I'll let you know."   A week later the Rabbi calls the man and says.
"I spoke to your wife...spoke to her on the phone for three hours. You
want my advice?" The man said yes, and the Rabbi replied, "Take the
poison."