Just another note from your bottom-dwelling brother.

 Last week I had a bad day at the office. I know you've been feeling
 down lately at work, so I thought I would share my dilemma with you to
 make you realize it's not so bad after all.
 Before I can tell you what happened to me, I first must bore you with a
 few technicalities of my job.

 As you know, my office lies at the bottom of the sea. I wear a suit to
 the office. It's a wetsuit. This time of year the water is quite cool.
 So what we do to keep warm is this: We have a diesel powered industrial
 'waterheater'; This $20,000 piece of equipment sucks water out of the
 sea.

 It heats it to a delightful temperature. It then pumps it down to the
 diver through a hose, which is taped to the air hose.
 Now this sounds like a darn good plan, and I've used it several times
 with no complaints.  What I do, when I get to the bottom and start working, is take the hose
 and stuff it down the back of my wetsuit. This floods my whole suit with
 warm water. It's like working in a Jacuzzi.

 Everything was going well until all of a sudden, my ass started to
 itch.

 So, of course, I scratched it.

 This only made things worse.  Within a few seconds my ass started to
 burn. I pulled the hose out from my back, but the damage was done. In
 agony I realized what had happened. The machine had sucked up a
 jellyfish and pumped it into my suit. Now, since I don't have any hair
 on my back, the jellyfish couldn't stick to it.

 However, the crack of my ass was not as fortunate.

 When I scratched what I thought was an itch, I was actually grinding
 the jellyfish into the crack of my ass. I informed the dive supervisor
 of my dilemma over the communicator.
 His instructions were unclear due to the fact that he, along with five
 other divers, were all laughing hysterically.

 Needless to say I aborted the dive.
 I was instructed to make three agonizing in-water decompression stops
 totalling thirty-five minutes before I could reach the surface to begin
 my chamber dry decompression. When I arrived at the surface, I was
 wearing nothing but my brass helmet. As I climbed out of the water, the
 medic, with tears of laughter running down his face, handed me a tube of
 cream and told me to rub it on my ass as soon as I got in the chamber.
 The cream put the fire out, but I couldn't poop for two days because my
 ass was swollen shut.

 So, next time you're having a bad day at work, think about how much
 worse it would be if you had a jellyfish shoved up your butt.
 Now repeat to yourself, "I love my job, I love my job, I love my job."