Aging...
I feel
like my body has gotten totally out of shape, so I got my
doctor's
permission to join a fitness club and start exercising. I decided
to
take an aerobics class for seniors. I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up
and
down, and perspired for an hour. But, by the time I got my leotards
on,
the class was over.
---
Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman: "And what do you think
is
the best thing about being 104?" the reporter asked. She simply
replied,
"No peer
pressure."
---Just
before the funeral services, the
undertaker came up to the very
elderly
widow and asked, "How old was your husband?" "98,"
she replied.
"Two
years older than me." "So you're 96," the undertaker
commented.
She
responded, "Hardly worth going home, is it?"
--- I've
sure gotten old. I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip
replacement,
new knees. Fought prostate cancer and diabetes. I'm half
blind,
can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine, take 40 different
medications
that make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts. Have
bouts
with dementia. Have poor circulation; hardly feel my hands and
feet
anymore. Can't remember if I'm 85 or 92. Have lost all my friends. But,
thank
God, I still have my driver's license.
---
An
elderly woman decided to prepare her will and told her preacher she
had
two
final requests. First, she wanted to be cremated, and second, she
wanted
her
ashes scattered over Wal-Mart. "Wal-Mart?" the preacher
exclaimed.
"Why Wal-Mart?"
"Then
I'll be sure my daughters visit me twice a
week."
---
Know how to
prevent sagging? Just eat till the wrinkles fill out.
---I'm
getting
into swing dancing. Not on purpose. Some parts of my body
are
just prone to
swinging.
---I've
tried
to find a suitable exercise video for women my age, but they
haven't
made one
called "Buns of Putty."
---Don't
think of it as getting hot flashes. Think of it as your inner
child
playing with matches.
---Don't
let aging get you down. It's too hard to get back up.
---
Remember: You don't stop laughing because you grow old, You grow old
because
you stop laughing.