MILITARY HUMOR
Three men
are sitting stiffly side by side on a long commercial flight.
After
they're airborne and the plane has leveled off, the man in the window
seat abruptly says, distinctly and confidently, in a loud voice,
"Admiral, United States Navy, retired. Married, two sons, both
surgeons."
After a few
minutes the man in the aisle seat states through a tight-lipped smile,
"Admiral, United States Coast Guard, retired.
Married, two sons, both judges."
After some
thought, the fellow in the center seat decides to introduce himself.
With a twinkle in his eye he proclaims, "Master Chief, United States
Navy, retired. Never married, two sons . . both Admirals."
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During
training exercises, the lieutenant who was driving down a muddy back
road encountered another car stuck in the mud with a red-faced colonel
at the wheel. "Your jeep stuck, sir?" asked the lieutenant as he pulled
alongside. "Nope," replied the colonel, coming over and handing
him the keys, "Yours is."
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Having just
moved into his new office, a pompous, new colonel was sitting at
his desk when an airman knocked on the door. Conscious of his new
position, the colonel quickly picked up the phone, told the airman to
enter, then said into the phone, "Yes, General, I'll be seeing him this
afternoon and I'll pass along your message. In the meantime, thank you
for your good wishes, sir."
Feeling as
though he had sufficiently impressed the young enlisted man, he asked,
"What do you want?"
"Nothing
important, sir," the airman replied, "I'm just here to hook up
your telephone."
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Officer:
"Soldier, do you have change for a dollar?"
Soldier:
"Sure, buddy."
Officer:
"That's no way to address an officer! Now let's try it again,
Soldier. Do you have change for a dollar?"
Soldier: "No, SIR!"
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Q:
How do you know if there is a fighter pilot at your party?
A: He'll
tell you.
Q: What's
the difference between God and fighter pilots?
A: God
doesn't think he's a fighter pilot.
Q: What's
the difference between a fighter pilot and a jet engine?
A: A jet
engine stops whining when the plane shuts down.
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An Air Force
Chief Master Sergeant and a General were sitting in the
barbershop. They were both just getting finished with their
shaves, when the barbers reached for some after-shave to slap on their
faces.
The General
shouted, "Hey, don't put that stuff on me! My wife will think I've been
in a whorehouse!"
The Chief
turned to his barber and said, "Go ahead and put it on me. My
wife doesn't know what the inside of a whorehouse smells like."
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"Well,"
snarled the tough old Navy Chief to the bewildered Seaman, "I suppose
after you get discharged from the Navy, you'll just be waiting for me
to die so you can come and pee on my grave."
No sir,
after I get out of the navy I am never going to stand in line again!"
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The elderly American gentleman
arrived in Paris by plane. At French Customs, he fumbled for his
passport. "You've been to France before, monsieur?" the customs
officer asked sarcastically.
The old gent admitted that he
had been to France previously.
"Zen, you should know enough
to 'ave your passport ready for inspection."
The American said, "The last
time I was here, I didn't have to show it."
"Impossible. You Americans
alwayz 'ave to show your passports on arrival in France!"
The American senior gave the
Frenchman a long hard look. Then he quietly explained, "Well, when I
came ashore at Omaha Beach on D-Day in '44, I couldn't find any
Frenchmen to show it