Aging.......

 

TELL ME THIS WON'T HAPPEN TO US !!!!

An elderly Floridian called 911 on her cell phone to
report that her
car has
been broken into. She is hysterical as she explains
her situation to
the
dispatcher: "They've stolen the stereo, the steering
wheel, the brake
pedal
and even the accelerator!" she cried.

The dispatcher said, "Stay calm. An officer is on the
way."

A few minutes later, the officer radios in.
"Disregard." He says "She
got in
the back-seat by mistake."

_______________________________________


Three sisters ages 92, 94 and 96 live in a house
together. One night
the 96
year old draws a bath. She puts her foot in and
pauses. She yells to
the
other sisters, "Was I getting in or out of the bath?"

The 94 year old yells back, "I don't know. I'll come
up and see."

She starts up the stairs and pauses: "Was I going up
the stairs or
down?"

The 92 year old is sitting at the kitchen table having
tea listening to
her
sisters. She shakes her head and says, "I sure hope I
never get that
forgetful, knock on wood."

She then yells, "I'll come up and help both of you as
soon as I see
who's at
the door."

_______________________________________


Three retirees, each with a hearing loss, were playing
golf one fine
March
day. One remarked to the other, "Windy, isn't it?"

"No," the second man replied, "it's Thursday."

And the third man chimed in, "So am I. Let's have a
drink."

_______________________________________


An little old lady was running up and down the halls
in a nursing home.
As
she walked, she would flip up the hem of her nightgown
and say
"Supersex."

She walked up to an elderly man in a wheelchair.
Flipping her gown at
him,
she said, "Supersex."

He sat silently for a moment or two and finally
answered, "I'll take
the
soup."

_______________________________________


An older couple were lying in bed one night. The
husband was falling
asleep,
but the wife was in a romantic mood and wanted to
talk.

She said: "You used to hold my hand when we were
courting."

Wearily he reached across, held her hand for a second
and tried to get
back
to sleep.

A few moments later she said: "Then you used to kiss
me."

Mildly irritated, he reached across, gave her a peck
on the cheek and
settled down to sleep.

Thirty seconds later she said: "Then you used to bite
my neck."

Angrily, he threw back the bed clothes and got out of
bed. "Where are
you
going?" she asked.

"To get my teeth!"

_______________________________________


Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades.
Over the years,
they
had shared all kinds of activities and adventures.

Lately, their activities had been limited to meeting a
few times a week
to
play cards. One day, they were playing cards when one
looked at the
other
and said, "Now don't get mad at me ... I know we've
been friends for a
long
time .but I just can't think of your name! I've
thought and thought,
but I
can't remember it.

Please tell me what your name is."

Her friend glared at her. For at least three minutes
she just stared
and
glared at her.

Finally she said, "How soon do you need to know?"

_______________________________________


As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his
car phone rang.
Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning
him, "Herman, I
just
heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong
way on Interstate
77.
Please be careful!"

"It's not just one car," said Herman, It's hundreds of
them!"





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